Monday Motivation: On a journey to ‘find my people’
I just finished a book called “Find your people: Building deep community in a lonely world”. As the book was released only last year, it talked about how this whole pandemic situation made people even more lonely.
The book provided points that I wanted to hear — how people aren’t supposed to live alone, how you can find ‘your people’, how being alone all the time is not good for you. More importantly, the author shared great tips and ways how we can make friends that last as an adult.
It is hard, it is damn hard making friends that are genuine and who care about you deeply. It is hard when you are an adult when nobody has time these days. It is hard when you live in a foreign country where you struggle to make yourself understand the way you want to.
Though it is already hard itself, not making any effort to make connection would have some negative outcomes like depression.
2023. Everyone is busy. Nobody makes efforts in building a relationship anymore. Perhaps a phone, social media, movies… could fulfill our needs. But only temporary. We need eye-to-eye talk. We all deserve to be loved. We all should have people who have our back.
At this point, I am jealous of people who have been befriending each other since they were children. That is a pure real friendship, I guess.
Before I share some great points from the book, I’d like to encourage everyone to be kind to each other. Check in on your friends once in a while. Give a call without asking. Lend your ears and listen to your friends and loved ones. Ask for your help if you are in pain. Don’t suffer alone. Your loved ones deserve to know.
Here are some lessons I learned from this book:
- ‘Your people’ should make you feel comfortable, safe, be yourself, be vulnerable. The feelings should be mutual. They feel grateful to have you.
- Search ‘your people’ from the community and circle that you’re already in. It could be your neighbor, co-worker, colleague, someone from the running club etc… Get to know those better and you never know one of them could be your best friends.
- Take the initiative. Life is full of people who are afraid to make a first move. Be the one who takes the initiative. Ask your co-worker to hangout during the weekend. Invite your neighbor for dinner. Grab a coffee with your gym buddy.
- Make constant efforts. Building relationships take a lot of time. You can’t have a bestie overnight. You will get to invest lots of time and efforts. Be persistent and patient.
- Get personal. Cut the small talk and ask deep questions. Show your interest that you really would like to know them. People like to talk about themselves. Listen to their world with no judgment. Talk about meaningful deep stuff.
I’m glad I found the book that is perfect for my current situation. I will make extra some efforts, get out of my bubble, put myself out there, and give people and myself a chance.
I think many people are aware how we are romanticizing living alone. It is great. But we do need people whom we could share our happiness with. We need to be heard. We need people that would hear how our day goes.
Bye now,
Oko
